Serendipity

It only took 1 blog email to shake me for 2 weeks and to bring down a blog. I still am shaken.

1) I should have listened and learned to get closure with relationships. I never did. I hated goodbyes. Maybe a little cowardice, or just utterly disliking the awkwardness of a dramatic separation.

2) I should have listened and believed that not living the awkwardness of a separation will become a more severe level of awkwardness that could haunt you. Sharing the elevator with my ex-girlfriend (probably girlfriend since we never broke up), with her new boyfriend. Or seeing an ex in the lounge at the Tokyo airport. Or blind dating an ex-girlfriend.

3) I should have listened and trusted my parents. At least my excuse for doing something really stupid is that I was really young then. We were both young and felt we were in control of our own lives. Too idealistic young and stupid people who were very much in love. I cannot apologize for that. That was 20 years ago. The difficulty of writing back and asking the question is getting either answer. Yes would be a life-changing event and could heavily damage the status quo. No should have been the answer I wish for.

But maybe deep inside me I am wishing the answer is yes. Which is probably why I cannot even say hi for fear of getting the answer to my question.